I remember someone saying "We'll all look back on this and remember this as 'that time we spent in the hospital'" Well, let me tell you, that is not how I remember it at all. I remember it as a blur in slow motion. I remember the sounds, the voices of the nurses and doctors. The AMAZING team of caring professionals that gave their all, including their vacations, holidays, time with family, days off and even their own money, to help us, to fight for Thao, to make our holiday a little better, to bring a smile to Ava's face, to make sure Jeff and I ate, to give Thao anything he wanted, to show us love and compassion. I remember the friends and family that surrounded us, drove miles, lost sleep, gave up holidays and family time, provided meals and transportation and babysitting, took care of everything at our home. I remember the friends that we met that quickly became part of our lives forever. I remember how scary it was, how lost and alone, yet not. I am pretty sure I remember how to work a dialysis machine. I remember the night I whispered to Thao secrets that I still keep. I remember trying to explain things to Ava. I remember letting him watch Spider Man and reading Narnia, and the Bible stories over and over.I remember promising him that I would ALWAYS put chocolate chips in my banana bread for him. I remember him asking to listen to Owl City and how he refused to talk to any of the nurses, but they loved him anyway. I remember him talking to ONE nurse, only to tell her "I am SO mad at you" I remember how much he hated taking Tylenol. I remember a hat that one nurse bought him, and another bought shoes and a CD. I'm telling you, it wasn't just "time". I remember all the meals, the laundry, the tears. I remember riding to the hospital behind the ambulance, thanking God that for once Liam was not screaming in the car. I kept reading over and over, "My hope is in You"
I remember someone saying "it will be okay". I remember telling them, "it's not".
I remember leaving the hospital for the first time after he was admitted.
I remember the last.
Today, Kurt spoke about the book of Revelation. I don't want to give it away or anything but let me tell you something that we all should know....Jesus wins.
And this is why, even though the last days with Thao are a blur of harsh memories, even though the holidays bring a real fight for joy, even though I write this through tears, even though I hate making banana bread, I push through. But not alone. The One who holds Thao will carry me through. The Creator. The King. The Alpha and Omega. He's got this. I only need to be with Him.
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this
world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the
world. John 16:33
He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End." Revelation 21:6
He who testifies to these things says, “Yes, I am coming soon.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus. Revelation 22:20